**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You peed on a flamingo?!?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
