She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
