we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
