Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
