I want to make a zoo with you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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