So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
