ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
