i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
