Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
