I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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