She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
