I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
