You're my little dorito
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
