Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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