Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
