I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
