I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
