I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
