Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
