i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
