pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
