I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
