i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
