He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
