Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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