is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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