I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
