Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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