On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there's paper in my vomit.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize