it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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