Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
