dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
