If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
