all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
