Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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