people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
