dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
