I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
