You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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