Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
