found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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