i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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