Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
