I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
