butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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