he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
