I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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