I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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