Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
