We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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