I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
