i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
