She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
