U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
