The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Pooping to opera.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
