I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
