Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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