One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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