She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
