I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Randomize
