Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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