he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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