Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize