there's paper in my vomit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
