We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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