I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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