I want to have your abortion
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
