woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
