I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
